Wednesday, May 29, 2013


To say the least, it went well. I am very happy with my results in the VCMarathon and higher hopes of what's down the road/trails/mountains.
Najem and my lovely made the trip up north with me to Burlington. I wasn't really nervous as much as I was knowledgable about the realities of a marathon where: I'm undertrained, over hyped, cussing awesome, and un-humbleable... And knew that a DNF wasn't in the cards but a death march easily could be is I didn't run smart.
The plan was set a long time ago: easy does it early on, then vision quest to bring it home. In order for me to do well place wise, things need to happen, and just to my fortunes it did; the weather was a cluster cuss of cuss.
Now, I don't believe in luck, so everything that happened did so by the Old Gods reflecting on their equal, the Last Hero and Only Hope, me. Now some people may think it a burden, but in true super hero fashion, I'm up for it.
The weather was a mix of snow, rain, cuss, sideways rain, wind, cussing cuss, and more cussing rain. Not to mention it stayed a solid forty-cussing-2 degrees. In the back of my head I was loving it, happy that it might be too cold an slow the race down and cold enough for people to save their training and call it quits (both scenarios would better my finishing place, as I would run the same time regardless).
Race morning: I woke up at 5:37 (hoping I could hit this split possibly) and hustled to Dunkin Donuts for an egg and cheese sandwich on a bagel to accompany my redbull. Najem joined me where we quickly discovered upon our return that we were cussing locked out! Cuss... I found this more entertaining than worrisome. The race director (Lyman Clark, who's the man!) also enjoyed it as he was my ride to the start. I let him know that I'll get there on my own. Haha.
Upon getting to the elite's building before the transport to the start I found a room that was very quiet but very filled with "elites." Matty P. immediately announced that the Last Hero and Only Hope was there (I was glad that I didn't have to introduce myself) and we started shooting the cuss. Matty P. is a lot like me in the fact that he is also unphaseable (so please don't try to phase this, and back to the lecture at hand...) and he enjoyed that fact that I'm a super hero and enjoyed my cult following.
When the time came we piled into the van and headed to the start. No warm up for me, as I wanted to save anything and everything I got for the race, which was a solid decision. The wether continued to cuss my cuss but I enjoyed hearing some of the elites talk how much they hate this type of weather. I was moving up the finishing order and the race hadn't even started yet! I do understand that you put the time in and I'm not going to call them cussies or anything else and understand that by them dropping out they were saving it for a better day. The more that drop out the better for my pockets and the more tags I'll be poppin'.
I did a couple slow strides before the gun, shed all my clothes at the last possible second and at the crack of the gun turned into RoboCop, totally focused on my task at hand: smart running.
I missed my mile split but I ran the same effort all the way to 23 miles. A dude immediately drafted right behind me and stayed there the first 5 miles before I started looking over my shoulder. He was cool and asked if I wanted him to share the work. I quickly told him cuss no! For this reason, I know what I want to run and what I'm going to run, I don't want anyone else to dictate my race. I want to be in total control. I did tell him he could draft as long as he wanted as I didn't care. We instantly became friends and discussed doing karate. This dude was from Nevada looking to run the same pace as me (5:45-5:50) and we shot the cuss a bit. He drafted as long as he could (11 miles) before I parted ways.
The first 10 miles were perfect as far as how I felt. I was comfortable and I was hitting my splits that I needed to. 57:32 at ten and noticing that I was going to catch a ton of dudes. I was 17th at 10 miles and by 15 miles I moved up into 8th. Everyone I caught looked frozen and lifeless and knew that there wasn't any coming back from the world they were now in.
From 10-15 you run sections along the pond they have in Burlington, and the cussin waves were crashing over onto the bike path, so I went from being mildly wet to soaked in a single splash. Cuss you Champy! As this happened I also caught 3 dudes and could tell their race and day was over. I then powered up the hill and felt like a boss of all bosses, as I mentally prepared for the neighborhood sections that seem like you are in the Twilight Zone.
Weaving through the neighborhoods I started to get glimpses of people ahead of me, it was 4th-7th place. I then looked behind and saw no one and knew I would only be hunting and not hunted and this was a great feeling.
The group ahead of me was minutes, but it was quickly becoming seconds. I put a little more into a few miles as it was Wardian, a Colombian and an African (whom both I beat last year) in the 4th-6th spots. The 6th place guy was on a different planet when I went by him (like he was standing still) and I was locked in on the guys ahead of me. At one point I closed the gap to under 20 seconds around 21 miles.
That's as close as I would get. On a very steep downhill section I get a twinge in my calf an a few moments later a sharp pain, cuss, almost made it the full distance without any issues. This wasn't detrimental at all, even put a smile on my face, knowing I was going to finish, finish well and complete the race against some odds.
The last 4 miles were the remains of what I had, calf made it so I couldn't go any faster. Had I kept rolling I may have caught them, but that's too easy to say, and I didn't. They finished well, as did I and it was a great feeling and I felt great doing it: 2:32:18. It was very enjoyable (that's what she said, every time too).
I am a charismatic megafauna, finished 6th overall and 1st VT!

VCM Splits: 2013

1-2: 11:32
3-5: 17:12 (28:44)
5:48 (34:33)
5:46 (40:19)
5:41 (46:01)
9-10: 11:31 (57:32)
5:46 (1:03:18)
5:43 (1:09:02)
5:43 (1:14:46)
5:44 (1:20:31)
5:38 (1:26:09)
5:47 (1:31:56)
5:40 (1:37:37)
5:35 (1:43:12)
5:36 (1:48:48)
20 miles 5:44 (1:54:32
5:49 (2:00:22)
6:02 (2:06:24)
5:56 (2:12:20)
6:03 (2:18:24)
6:05 (2:24:29)
6:20 (2:30:50)
1:29 (2:32:18)

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Fata Morgana

The weekend is finally here and I thought I'd wake with some other awe-inspiring sensation but in truth, just another day in the 'hood (well, as 'hood as you can get in the woods).
It wasn't a pleasant awakening to the cussing rain. A lot of people think this is ideal marathon weather, but I'll be honest (it's what I do) I want cussing cuss cuss conditions. If you're primed and ready to rock a PR then its ideal but last year I ended up 4th bc people raced like morons in the heat.
Now I'm not wishing hateful cuss on anyone and hoping they race awful, but this cold weather means even after times and a more humbling finish for me. What are you going to do? Just got to roll the stride.
The worst part about the rain isn't even the race, it's all the hanging out afterwards. Walking around and relaxing, eating like cussing wildebeests and enjoying the energy of Burlington. I guess the worst case scenario is we have to carry an umbrella.

Friday - rolled out 6 flat miles with Greg at the Westmoreland rail bed. We tipped and yapped and I felt relaxed and the stride felt fine.
For the 9 people that read this, thanks and I'll catch you on the flip side of the unknown.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Futterman's Rule

The week leading into the VT marathon is upon me. I don't have self doubts but I know what can happen out there and I hate that I got some of that cuss on my mind.
I'm planning on running a PR or cussing close to it and know early awesome running won't matter a GD thing and time in the bank early is bad credit. Should be interesting.
As of late I have also been burdened with some comparisons too close for comfort. Now I'm going to sound like a Judas to the running community but... Once A Runner, it's ok and that's about it. I read it, twice, and it didn't change my life (at cussin all), if anything it was a sooth saying truth to what my life has become.
For (many) examples: my hair was long, I do workouts on a cinder grass infested track, I live in a shed out in the woods nooked up against some hill/mountains, I'm awesomely gnarly, I swim and recharge in the river, my friends are also gnarly bad asses that roll, and I just live the life style where I show up and do my thang... Ain't no big deal. Too many comparisons, just too cussin many.
I'm an antagonist and wear the suit well, but every day (I'm hustling) I live the real life. You're welcome.

This week needs to be light so my overhyped and undertrained ass can get to the finish line with the following: my dignity, a smile and in a running stride.

Monday - 3 mile hustle behind the house with the girls. Felt great (and I should for only 3 miles).

Tuesday - Zipped out to Grafton Ponds for an easy, slow 7 miler. It sure was slow to make it easy.

Wednesday - did some light work at the Vermont Academy cinder grass track. I called Fyffe and asked what he suggested, this is what he said he did before his marathon and I should do something similar:
8 x 400, and here are his times: 69, 70, 70, 70, 68, 61, 52, 43!!! He's an cusshole but I love him. Ok, so his last four were about what he ran...
I opted for his other suggesting of 6 x 200 at goal race pace which will (Old Gods willing) be 40-42. Even this is too fast as I'm shooting for 5:45-5:50 pace, but I did just that. Since the track is cinder and 440 yards, I figure each 200 was about 13 seconds off. Yea, about 13, (maybe 1.3 but for Ferenc purposes, 13 is more entertaining). Also During my workout out it was lightly raining but very warm. I was accompanied by my girls and some other fems... Dear lord, he we go: I don't know how people do it working at a high school. I'm going to sound like a total creep but I don't give a cussing cuss, it's reality and truthful. During the workout on the VA track two little bitties (I pleaded for them to be 18) were posing for sexy yoga pics next to the track in nothing but tiny hiney coverings and tiny sports bras. This was highly... something? God bless their fathers and again, please be 18... Najem suggested that track work be done on this track and I have yet to find an argument and suggested we just eat blueberries.

Thursday - Voltroned with Greg and Najem on the Westmoreland rail bed for an easy, flat ocho. Was great to unite to form an awesome display of greatness. Awesome run and great time.
Rolling into the weekend undertrained, overhyped and stenching of awesomeness, means a very lethal combo. Looking forward to be Djoshua Unchained... The D will be silent.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Lights In My Kingdom Come Home

This past week went well. I had days where I felt good and enjoyed the weather. VT marathon will be a cuss show of cluster cuss and I'll have to dig into the darkest depths of my soul to finish. I'm talking darkest of dark, Charlie Murphy darkness, but between my will and ego, I should be fine. One week out, here's my prep:

Tuesday - Najem picked me up from practice (I have been riding my bike to school due to a timing belt issue with my truck) and we hauled it to my shed I call home for 14 on the Sap Lines with a finish down the switchbacks. I ran an FTY (fastest time of the year) by a smidge.
Felt fairly good for most of the run.

Wednesday - 10 x Workout Hill. This was tough but I ran it very smart as to finish. The "Workout Hill," is part a main route for a bunch of runs. It is about 400m+ and runs anywhere from 3min to 2:30's (if your me and roll like a boss). It's grade has to be 14-16% so it's a cussin great hill for repeats.
I just relaxed and worked that hill as if I paid for her, and as always, I was satisfied with me work (yea, me work!).

Thursday - feeling the benefits of yesterday which also means feeling like a runner again (opposed to a death marcher). I've been thinking about the marathon and have been enjoying my mental fornications of it. I got a great race plan and just need to be patient early. I'm not scared of the distance (direct quote of another), and I'm looking forward to all the energy of the day.
Today's run was awesome. It was one of the days you're thankful to be alive and able to be in the universe and nature and soak the energy, cuss yea!!! I hustled up the switchbacks and ran the White Dot in reverse. The top forest meadow of the switchbacks was transcendent and amazing. Not the most ideal recovery day but I felt great and it was worth it so, it was a recovery day for me.
I can smell my swagger, it's faint but coming back...

Friday - Voltroned with Greg in Pisgah for a 9 spot. It was a true recovery day due to the terrain alone and felt good to just run trails without the hills. Fun run and all the girls were there, which was the first in a while and very cool.

Saturday - Banged on the Grafton Ponds trails and slipped up into the Lost Trail. Great run. This Lost Trail is moss covered and just plain awesome. Very relaxed and slow 10 was def a great idea. Super hilly but I was just looking for the miles.
Then hit Putney for a few rounds of yard golf and a Fyffe sighting. Day was as good as it gets.

Sunday - a semi-completed Voltron, as Greg and Najem united to run the Sap lines 14er. It was a fun run as we were able to all catch up on cuss and cuss.
Feeling good and rolling with the breeze. My kingdom is approaching and I'm stoked to be back as king.

Week total = 68 miles

Thursday, May 16, 2013


This past week went well. I'm getting something of my shape back and def my swagger. Once I'm in the shape I want to be in I'll be scarier than Unnamed Person in a mosquito swarm or a first timer taking on a donkey at a Tijuana Show. There is still a lot of work to be done. It's funny to think that I'll be training through VT City Marathon... That's just going to be light work (and old gods willing, I'll make it to the finish line with a positive surprise).

After my Hogwarts Apparition (for all you nerds, I plain just disappeared from the field) during the Sleepy Hollow race, I felt a day off was merited, but didn't take one.

Monday - I hustled a 14er to the sap lines and banged on the switchbacks to come home. I ran slow and easy but had one of my faster times of the year (still 10+ min slower than last year) on minimal effort.

Tuesday - Boj Voltroned with a bike and myself for a 12 mile tempo. I wanted to simulate running fast while tired (or as tired as I was, like the later stages of the marathon; or miles 7 on). Did an lit and back on the Marathon Rd and was shooting for controlled effort.
The first 6 were at 7 min pace before I picked it up. I felt good with my stride and could tell I was a bit hot but went with it.
Played out like so: 5:25, 5:05, 5:22, 5:15, 5:28. The last 5:28 was supposed to be my "shut it down" mile but rolled easily to a 5:28.

Thursday - easy 10 out on the Lost Trial via Ledge Rd. Always an awesome run and was very mellow.

Saturday - Townshend 5k (or so they say...) I ventured over to the next town for a local 5k that is on a flat road. I was hoping to get a solid workout in and possibly pick up some fitness.
All that happened was as follows:
Got pissed, ran slow, doubted the course length, went home for a hike.
Got pissed: just before the start of the race a dude looks me up and down and continues to do so. He then asks if I'm a "competitive runner," and part of me ways to be like, "you've been looking me up and down for 30 seconds, what the cuss do you think?"
I got no short on, even with the extra Lbs, I got to look a little fit? Anyways, I say kinda and ask if he is and he replies that he's VERY competitive. Way to go dude, just signed your death warrant.
To his credit, he took the race out like it was a 800, which he hit in 2:28, with me 6 seconds back and him still pulling away. I would eventually pass him at the mile 5:14, and continue rolling slow and finish with a heroic (typed that very sarcastically) 16:27 (which leads me to believe the course length a hair long). I was sluggish and also did not feel fast. Very competitive runner was a few sundial notches back.

Sunday - Greg Voltroned for a 14 miler it on the sap lines with a switchback descend. Greg's been under the weather with "The Greg," and is recovering quickly, or so I hope... Its like last of the Mohicans around here lately. We were able to run a normal time of the past, so that was cussin awesome. It was great to get caught up on cuss and let Greg know the uncensored, uncut and very politically incorrect tale of Sleepy Hollow.

Everyone's favorite outlaw; you're welcome.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Wildlings and Old Gods

Yesterday's race was a success and today, Monday, I'm taking off bc I have a track meet and a day off will be good. I checked out a couple blogs and cameo the realization of a few things: ain't no body really gives a cuss about blogs. A bit self glamor, yet fun to here about cool cuss, but in the large scheme, ain't no body gives a cuss... Yet it continues. Haha.

Tuesday - I was planning on taking next week easy, but with my schedule, this week is going to be down, intensity wise and mileage.
I hit the sap lines for 14 and felt great for the first time at the end of the run in a while. The weather was amazing and I felt connected to the Old Gods. Vibrant greens are an awesome motivator to get out the door.

Thursday - hustled to Ledge Rd with the idea of doing the Lost Trail then dropping into Grafton Ponds. It is an almost 2 hour run and 14... The Lost trail is covered in moss at the tops of the hills/mtns and it was soft and awesome to run on.
One of those days of thankfulness to be alive.
The run was great but I felt like a donkeys cuss sack. I've also been realizing that all of my runs are about 1 min per Nile slower than last year with last year feeling like superman on every run. Feeling like Robin isn't do bad, but sidekicking it ain't my thing, I want to be the superhero.

Friday - hailed the White Dot trail ending down the switchbacks, 9 miler. I couldn't believe that I felt as heavy as I did. Felt slow and lethargic but had a great moment on the run. When you crest the final climb before the switchbacks there is a mtn meadow amongst the trees. It looks straight out of a fairy tale and No matter how bad the run is going this sight always lifts the spirits.

Saturday - I'm kind of fretting and freaking out a bit about tomorrows race. I have no control over anyone else's training and I'm disappointed in myself that I'm being a cuss about it. It's a stepping stone but really want to have a good/great showing. I'll do what I do.
In preparation for the race I ventured to Grafton Ponds for an easy 5 miler. At no point was it easy though, I labored through 5 miles at 8-9 minute pace and felt like a dead animal carcass. Total death march. I wrote this blog write up in the river, waste deep, praying to the gods of water to replenish my legs. I hope it works. It certainly is cold enough and I can see snow still!
All in all, it's happening, just taking a lot longer than I can handle at times. I just need to remember that the universe won't give me anymore than I can handle.
Tomorrow will be a great field and very tough competition. I'll be fortunate and thankful to be in the mix. (not that anyone even gives a cuss!).

Brom Bones

Sleepy Hollow Mtn Race: USATF-NE MTN Championships.

I've been fretting and dissecting this race in my head all week leading into it. It's a tough course bc it favors fast runners and is not your typical "mountain" race.
I'm one to never lack confidence and I was incredibly interested to see where my fitness would leave me. Past weeks are sluggish and slow, not the best for wanting to run fast. My best saving grace is: I'm tough as cussing nails and want it more than anyone else.
The field was going to be incredibly competitive and my main goal was to be in the mix. Well, that's the right thing to say, so here's my real thought, "I want to win the cussing race, devour souls, use their spines as floss to rid their ravished particles from my teeth." But, it's so tough to say those things when the dudes I raced are the nicest people in New England if not the world.
Upon pulling into the parking lot, Eric (who I foolishly gave a ride) see immediately Double J's rig, and then I spot Brandon Newbould just beyond. Tough comp!
I'm a pure hater, it's what I do. It's impossible to hate on these guys and it always great to see them.
Having run the course last year (and yes, winning) I felt like I had an advantage. If only on my head, that's all I need. I had a race plan and was going to stick to it, and was set on it being enough to do what I dart out to do.
The course in a nutshell (great Alice in Chains jam!) first mile is rolling up to the top, then down for a mile, then up a long tough climb to 3 miles, then down to the start and 4 miles, then out a 2 mile lollipop with a gradual switchback hill to climb before screaming back to the finish. Around 6 miles total (+/-).
On the warm up I felt very good, almost too good, devil's grin good.
The start of the race was out quick, Eric MacKnight and Brandon went right to the front with me right behind them. Eric would continue to push up the first 500m of the climb and it looked like he was going to run away with it. Brandon covered this charge and I had to let them go, it was too hot for me. Upon creating the first climb to the rollers, I started to stride out and instantly caught them. My plan was to make a move right before the mile, which is right before the top. My move was to get to the top first them ravish the downhill like Haiti. I wanted to pound the pace like an elaborate gang handshake. Totally get wild and sprint. And this is what I did, it took me a bit to get around Brandon (and I took King of the Mountain honors just before the preme, which I was unaware of until after the race. I figured the King of the Mountain would be on the second climb. But, shouldn't the King of the Mountain be the winner of a Mountain race? Cuss yes! I felt a little bit like a Richard when I found out that I past 10 meters from the top, but I wasn't going to deviate from my race plan).
I was redlining the downhill and executed the plan well. By the second climb I had a nice gap. Phase two, get up the second climb without diving into oxygen debt, then punish the downhill again and get out of sight. Engaged and executed.
I continued to tell myself that they were right behind me an that I can't fall asleep. I didn't want to get run down. Coming by the start I knew I had a great opportunity to win if I could just keep it together the last 3k. I kept filling my head with positive affirmation, "bc I'm good enough, and tough enough, and doggonit, people like me..."
Total composure was lost, I had to dig and scrape to keep the needle pinned in the red. I really killed myself the last 3k. The pics tell it all. I also don't look as fit as I raced.
In a great field, I was very fortunate to come out with a W. I had a very good day and as it turned out, at 4 miles I had over a minute on second, and put an additional minute over the last 3k.
I'm very happy to have been by myself bc the race for second sounded tough. 4 guys switching spots over the last miles was something I'm glad I wasn't a part of.
We then hit Huntington Gorge to cleanse and shrink up our manhoods in its frosty waterfall river. It was a great day to be alive.
I included two color pics from this year (painful) and a suave mother cusser from last year. What a physical difference.

(+/-) 10k: 38:17 course record, King of the Mountain, King of Pain, King of VT and The Last Hero and Only Hope...

Wednesday, May 1, 2013


Woke up alert and ready to be awake, so that was nice compared to the everyday sluggish feeling I have during the week. The plan: wake up, eat, pick Najem up, drive to Wolfboro, complete a tough 14 mile trail race, come home.
Seemed simple enough.
This would be Najem's first trail race. Haha. We were going to meet up with fellow BAA teammate Jim Johnson and I was hoping on hearing what his Rae strategy would be. Najem and I discussed on the ride up and we both had good plans. Najem's was to sit and check things out, while mine was very similar, but hang as long as I could an be competitive. Jim wanted to work together and take it to Justin Freeman.
This idea was fine by me, it was just figuring out what that would literally be. Finalizing a plan is tough for me, but I settled on hanging with the front as long as I could and if oddly good, try and make a move.
This plan was instantly aborted the first step of the race. Doing what I do best (flying by the seat of my pants) I went with an old playbook option: get out of site early; they can't see you, they can't catch you and hammer!
This really was a better option anyways. Current fitness and lack of racing lead me to just kill myself and make it a quality effort day. And that's what I did.
I took the lead an never gave it up and just pushed every step I could. I went out to pound that course like an elaborate gang handshake. The course fought back an was very tough. The mud was deep and was very tough. I was zigging and zagging all over the trail trying to find the best line and best footing. All while telling myself, "they are going to catch you, don't fall asleep, keep redlining, keep pushing..."
There were two righteous climbs with long gradual downhills to follow, which I tried to sprint when I could. This tactic lead to me being very tired the last two (insanely muddy unrunnable two miles) and having to thrash and fight through the trail.
I was fortunate to hang on and secure the win.